The machine from hell

Tried to head up to see my girlfriend early today but put that idea on the back burner when I heard my vending machine part came in. I thought it would be a quick fix to replace this part. First I took the condenser out and skinned my knuckle. After that I pulled the old part out and realized that it was a different part than I was sent. Frustrated I found an electrician to help figure out how to put it in but he only had a short time to explain and not show me how to. I put that part in and it was a faulty part. Been fighting to get it from the company for the last 3-4 weeks. Getting increasingly frustrated I tried to get ahold of the company and the only number not disconnected wont go through. Eventually they called me back and told me I needed another part and they would ship it off to me. I drove around town trying to find a similar switch to fix it myself. I found one and now there is a short in the machine and I cant get it to turn on with out tripping the breaker. Not being able to get an electrician to help me I had to give up. After almost 6hrs I felt like a failure for not being able to fix it.

I know its not my fault. I have no official training in electronics and the only training I do have is from reading a how to book on my own. Im having a difficult time grasping what it says because I cant actually do it. So I just picture it in my head, which is not working so well. I also know that I had a faulty part. This too is not my fault. I still felt like a failure. As time has passed I feel worse and worse. Now I feel angry and kinda guilty thinking that the reason it wont even turn on anymore is some how my fault. It was probably the faulty part I put in. In my head its all my fault. I failed at being able to fix this issue and I keep drilling that into my head. I cant stop thinking about the machine either. Its pretty much all I have thought about all day.

Now I wait for an electrician to get up there and fix it. Im not even in the same state anymore so I cant watch/help. That is driving me almost as crazy as not being able to fix it on my own.

Mood update: still going up and down regularly and most my tricks to help combat this are not working. Hopefully this will go away before I go back to work full time. I don't know what to do about it. If it does not smooth out before than I am screwed. I will let all those who rely on me down. Dissapointment is one thing that really messes with my mood and one of the most difficult things for me to try and handle. Not sure what to do not but wait and hope.